The Earth Tortoise School

A Montessori Community for Infants, Toddlers, Preschoolers, and their Families

​What to Say Instead of "BE CAREFUL!"

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​Parenting is often living in many - often opposing - emotions at the same time.

 

We want to support our children's exploration, learning and growth through trying new things and taking risks. And we want to protect them from harm at all costs. 

 

That often looks like watching our child climb that tall structure on the playground or slice bananas for their snack - outwardly quiet but inside rolling with anxiety, seeing all the ways they might get hurt, and battling the urge to jump in to help or save.

 

But one of the things child development experts know - and really anyone who takes the time and has the opportunity to deliberately and thoughtfully observe children - is that, for the most part, children are CALCULATED risk takers. They *usually* do not try things they are not ready for. So you may see them begin to climb the playground ladder but stop at the second or third rail. Though it may not look like how we adults do it, their body-brains are assessing and judging, making decisions on what to do next. And it is usually right here, when we see them stall or hesitate that this urge we have been holding back rushes out: "Be Careful!!!"  

 

We want to support them. We want to be helpful. We want to DO SOMETHING! But what actually happens when we blurt out "Be Careful!" is that we disrupt their process of assessing and planning ... and they lose their concentration. And they fall. Or trip. Or cut themselves. And we think we were justified because they got hurt. They were not ready after all.

 

But instead let's shift our perspective to seeing them as capable and thoughtful and help them develop that planning process. Below are some great ideas for what to say instead of "Be Careful". Try them out and see your child's intelligent intuition shine!

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